Eight Super Secret Features of Google Glass

by PR Coach

Secret Google Glass production lab

Secret Google Glass lab in Mountainview, CA

It’s a secret lab. More than eight miles underground in Mountain View, California.

There are no signs at the entrance to the ground level elevator. Just retinal scans  and armed guards checking employee ID cards.

Welcome to the Google Glass secret laboratory.

The only places more secure in the entire country are the Pentagon and the White House.

In fact, the only way you’re getting into this secret Google research facility is the distraction of a fire drill or the appearance of the 2013 Sports Illustrated swimsuit models.

Here, Google Glass engineers are working furiously against impossible technology hurdles, formidable deadlines and potential competitors.

A secret document was leaked to us today by one of the engineers working on a stealth Google Glass project. He’s a friend of a friend’s cousin’s uncle.

Secret Google Glass plans and design features

Secret Google Glass designs leaked

We were able to put our hands on blueprints for eight secret new Google Glass features. The plans were surreptitiously shared with The PR Coach.

The engineer agreed to speak with us on the basis of total anonymity and a promise not to share Sergey Brin’s personal cell phone number.

Forget Samsung and Apple’s rumored iWatch. THIS is breaking news!

He revealed plans for eight new, previously-undisclosed, secret features to be incorporated in the final Google Glass design when it launches in Fall 2013.

Eight Secret Google Class Features to Watch for

Of course, no one from Google PR was willing to comment on these secret features. We’ve learned they’re based on a number of well-known products that were then developed into full-featured Google Glass Android apps using semiconductor miniaturization and microchip technology. We’ve gone ahead and highlighted the features every geek, social marketing and PR pro is waiting for.

Secret Google Glass Superman X-ray visionX-ray vision – Remember those Superman comics when you were a kid? Yep. Imagine a new x-ray vision app built into Google Glass. Google acquired the development team that recently created a similar app for Wonderbra. Hot or not? Depending.

Clapper – Just slap the side of your head or shout and you’ll be able to turn on your living room lights, your TV or your tablet. The Clapper is engineered right into the Glass arm. Comes with a vial of super strength Tylenol 3 just in case you clap too hard.

Key Finder – Constantly losing your keys? Just press the temple of your spanking new Google Glass and your Smart Finder will emit an ear-piercing siren. Imagine. Never lose your keys, wallet or remote control again!

Social Media Synthesizer – This could be Google’s secret weapon. You’ll already be able to monitor your social media accounts on Glass. Send video and audio. Imagine being able to tweet, like, link, Pin and more. All from the comfort of your specs.

Breathalyzer – When we say Google Glass blows, we mean that in the most positive way possible. No more risk of DWI or DUI. Built into every new pair of specs is a breathalyzer that provides 4-digit test results that can pickup trace amounts of alcohol – for example, 0.002 %BAC. Just blow into the arm of your glasses. This is helpful in zero-tolerance environments like the Tea Party annual conference or dinner at your in-laws.

BS Detector – Set your Glass BS Detector to vibrate. Invaluable for media pitching, high-level board room meetings, strategy sessions, new business presentations and dealings with car, photocopier, real estate, insurance and other high-pressure sales people. You’ll never be taken advantage of again with your new BSD.

Google Glass features: BS Detector, Clapper, key finder, breathalyzer

Google Glass features: BS Detector, Clapper, Key Finder, Breathalyzer

Magic 8-Ball – The Magic 8 Ball app will answer questions about romance, friendships, school, and work, not to mention your investments, job future and social media ROI. Invaluable for every aspiring PR and marketing pro. Is my news release release real news? Just ask your glasses.

Megaphone – Remember the last time you tried to speak to a crowd at a special event, news conference or a group of protesters without a megaphone? I know. Frustrating. The Glass Megaphone app works as a bullhorn and also broadcasts music.

Apparently, the research team is also considered a sexting app but it will not be available to teenagers and elected officials for at least another 12 months.

Our informant said Google’s marketing department is now looking into a variety of retail channels including the Dollar Store, Goodwill and more than 100 Google storefronts planned to open across the US in 2014.

A number of celebrity spokespeople are under consideration including William Shatner, Lindsay Lohan, Ryan Seacrest, Madonna, Seth MacFarlane, Chris Brown, Tiger Woods, Tina Fey and Pope Benedict XVI.

Google Glass are expected to retail for $1,595 or less when launched in Fall 2013.

Samsung Developing Competitive Spy Glass

A final word of caution to early adopters.

Competitors are already hard at work. Samsung is reportedly working on its own version called Spy Glasses. Apparently, the “As Seen on TV” model is not far from their product. Rumor is they will cost only $49.95.

Another product already rushed to market is the Inventio-HD 720P Video & Audio Recording Sunglasses. Features include 720P HD video recording with a frame rate of 30 fps; 8GB class 10 internal memory; noise removal; advanced video stabilization
high ISO to reduce video shaking; and 5MP CMOS camera resolution. Plus, they’re damn fine sunglasses.

It won’t take long for similar inexpensive products like these to be WiFi and Bluetooth-enabled. They’ll be tough price competitors for Google. Remember the impact of Android on the iPhone?

Time will tell whether the market is ready to pay the price and demand for new features. Wearable technology is just beginning to take hold too as a reality and not science-fiction.

The fun is really just starting and you can expect Google, Apple, Samsung, Sony, Microsoft and other big players to wage a fierce battle for cutting edge products and marketshare. Aren’t technology and competition wonderful?

Happy April 1st!

Author: Jeff Domansky

Visuals: Amazon.com, Google.com

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