When it comes to turkey, some things are just too good not to share. Witness the lame duck or should I say sales turkey and marketing mashup I received on the evening before Thanksgiving.
The individual’s last name, email, direct phone and LinkedIn link are removed but the lessons about this Thanksgiving Eve roast are valuable for junior sales associates everywhere, though according to the LinkedIn profile of the chef of this sales flop, he has an MBA and more than eight years sales experience. Lord!
First, the offending turkey of an email from Eduardo at Marketo…
Marketing Services Email
From: Eduardo [Last Name] @Marketo
To: Me [his bcc list]
Nov 25, 7:24 PM
Re: Marketing Services
I was on your website today and want to learn about your marketing services.
I work with marketing service providers that provide similar marketing services and enable them to build a recurring revenue stream by bundling Marketo’s marketing platform with their services.
Are you free to speak today or tomorrow afternoon to see if Marketo’s managed service offering can drive value for you and your clients?
Eduardo [Last Name] | Sales Development Representative
Here’s How I Replied to this Marketing Maven
Here’s my response, after I finally stopped laughing…
From: Me [not my bcc list]
To: Eduardo at Marketo
Re: Marketing Malarkey
It’s not often I get such enjoyment from an email. In fact, your email sales pitch was better than an episode of Jon Stewart serving turkey dinner. Why?
1. My name is not Enrico. A poor sales appetizer.
2. Clearly you did not visit my website. Your turkey talk is not #winning strategy.
3. Your Marketo marketing system is obviously not working. Your holiday sales menu has the wrong mix of ingredients.
4. Bundling Marketo’s marketing platform doesn’t seem designed to remove sloppy sales tactics. You spilled the gravy.
5. Sending an email at 7:24 pm and asking for a meeting “today” or “tomorrow” afternoon is hardly best practice marketing. Your turkey is overcooked.
6. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and your email is not the only turkey being served.
7. No, I will not be available for a call. I will be spending time with my family. That’s the cherry on top of the Thanksgiving dessert. Or something!
8. The people you bcc’d won’t likely join you for Thanksgiving dinner or a call either.
9. Perhaps you should give HubSpot a try?
10. I do give you credit for providing entertainment value and a hearty holiday laugh however.
I suggest you take tomorrow, Friday and the weekend off. Enjoy some holiday time with family and friends, and start fresh with a new sales recipe and approach following Cyber Monday.
Yours with a smile.
PS: Please don’t try this on Christmas Eve, OK?
Editor’s note & update:
Today, November 30, I received another spam/sloppy, bad marketing follow up email from my good friend Eduardo at Marketo. Apparently they don’t monitor their online reputation or they would have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about spamming. The same criticism applies: my name is not Enrico, it’s a spam bcc, etc… only it’s getting worse as it’s now an annoyance rather than just a source of amusement and inspiration for this post. Perhaps I, and the other bcc’s, are victims of a new influencer and viral marketing strategy by this leading marketing organization? Let’s see how long it takes for Marketo to deal with this bad marketing bozo? You can read the email here.
I’ve also taken the opportunity to re-craft one of Marketo’s recent promos to more accurately reflect their service offering.