21 Brand New Worst Press Release Disasters

by PR Coach on February 14, 2012

baqd news releases

21 press releases; all of them floundered

Press release disasters? File this one in the “some posts just write themselves” folder.

Pity the poor editors and news directors across the country. Inundated every day with pitiful press releases containing horrible headlines, bad ledes, lame quotes, bluster, babble and an absolute lack of news. Most of them just bad PR.

No better example than this flounder served up by reader Alex Ward who shared this “juicy” bad press release The Juice by Energy-X is Hollywood’s Hottest New Craze. Fun stuff! Despite a questionable premise, no attribution, silly name dropping and no real news value, it still landed on The Sacramento Bee website. Go figure.

We present our newest catches in the school of press release flounders.

You’ll find press release mysteries. Whodunits and head scratchers. Spokespeople trolling for bites. Lessons in the lack of news release nuance.  Marketers caught in the act of hyperbole. But not necessarily answers to the most intriguing question “What were they thinking?”

More and more it seems that marketers are among the biggest offenders of the news release horribilis. They think because they live and breathe their product or service they can manufacture news and we’ll lap it up. Wrong. Get ready to learn some painful no-news lessons.

These releases are presented for your elucidation, edification and most important of all… your enjoyment with a few spicy comments from The PR Coach. Grab a caramel machiato or a latte, relax and read on. Who said PR isn’t fun?

By the way, we’ve got press release and social media release tips in the virtual PR Library which now has more than 7,800 resources within its ivy-covered, online walls.

21 Worst Press Release Flounders

We caught these press release flops on several of the “free” press release services.

Bad Press Releases from 24-7 Press Release:

Burbank Dentist Offering Advanced Single Visit Crowns
This release gave me a toothache as I searched desperately for the news. I did learn to my relief, he is “experienced.” Better as a blog post.

Phuket.Net Real Estate Website Now Available in Russian
News? Award-winning? Where, when? Nyet!

SuperCat Solutions Comes a Long Way During First year
This headline was a non-starter. The rest was equally mystifying.

A to Z Law’s Dennis LaRochelle Honored as a Super Lawyer
All I can think of is a cape and super hero suit to go along with the self-congratulatory prattle.

Laser Liposuction Jump Starting Many Minnesotans New Years’ Resolutions
Jump starting liposuction? Look out Minnesota.

Pure Pooch All Natural Shampoo Returns To The Global Pet Expo In Orlando
This is silly. Announcing you “secured” a trade show booth?

Pedi-Protexx Announces Introduction to International Beauty Trade at COSMOPROF Bologna March 9-12. “Perfect Pedicure Protection” to Be Presented in the Salon Pavilion-Stand A-42 B-43-G.
Another trade show booth announced. ZZZZZ.  Plus a sloppy self-mention by the marketing firm.

Cloud Solutions Provider Launches Website
OMG! A new website. “With easy navigation and clean colour scheme….” Say no more.

New York Auto Accident Lawyer from The Perecman Firm Offers Advice on What to Do After a New York Auto Accident
This just in… issuing an avalanche of ten or more legal advice news releases around local news items is not news, not good PR, nor is it a credibility builder.

A Truly Innovative Way To Lose Weight
No attribution, no sense, nothing “truly innovative” and definitely no news. Just a lame website and marketing pitch for green tea.

Timberline Roofing Launches New Business Telephone Number
Damn, I thought I lost that phone number. Jeez.

More Press Release Flounders from MyPRGenie:

Dr. Puff Explains the Benefits of Meditation at Enlightenment Podcast
No puffery here. Sigh. Only in CA.

Supreme Key used for Grease Removal and Cleaning Services
No, Google Translate does not provide intelligible copy. Yikes.

Comfy along with Inexpensive Renting Service
Is there a sale on spam today? 11 out of 10 on the crap meter. Unintelligible.

Weight Loss Hypnosis
This one’s a classic loser. “Mental stomach reduction”? “…Well, you can’t become a slim person in one day, no way, but you will start to develop new habits of eating right after hypnosis and “new you” will start losing your unwanted pounds little by little and you will be more confident every day….”

UK’s Largest Takeaway Website Launched in London
Illiterate and nonsensical. 10 restaurants on the website. This dog won’t hunt.

Choose Best e cigarette Brand by Reading Electronic Cigarette Reviews
This one’s blowin’ smoke.

Relationship Expert Diana Falzone Assures No One is Lonely on Valentine’s Day this Monday, February 13th
Whew, that’s a relief!

Mobile and Social Media – A Love Story?
This love story is just a lame product hype.

Terrys Fabrics Customers Take Advantage of 85% Off Curtains Range
No news, just marketing and the announcement of the BIG January sale on Feb 14. The devil’s in the details.

METTLER TOLEDO IND560x Weighing Terminal Goes Mobile Portable Model Offers Excellent Performance in Zone 1/21 & Division 1 Classified Areas
Baffling headline and baffling content.

If you didn’t get your fill with these press release disasters, you can catch my other past examples…

Bad Dogs: 18 Brand New, Worst Press Releases
Bad News Releases: 25 Press Release Turkeys
Bad Press Releases: 20 Worst Headlines Ever

News Release Was Not Ready for Prime Time

Author: Jeff Domansky

Photo credit: gordon2208 via Flicker