10 Missing iPhone 5 Features for PR Pros

by PR Coach on September 17, 2012

View the infographic full-size here 

If you’re an Apple fanboy or fangirl, you can come back to earth now. Despite the fanfare, Apple missed the boat by not including some very important features for PR, marketing and business people in the new iPhone 5.

Launched with the usual fireworks, the new iPhone 5 looks underwhelming to those of us already using the iPhone 4. Despite Apple’s attempts to control information in advance, its features had already been leaked along with pictures.

But Apple seriously missed a huge opportunity and Samsung is paying close attention.

10 Mission-Critical Business Features Missing in iPhone 5

Here are the 10 iPhone 5 features that business, PR and social media pros wanted:

  1. Sham Wow – How many times have you pitched a reporter, had them shout “I’m on deadline!” and hang up on you? Causing you to tip over your Decaf Caramel Macchiato? Wipe up after ANY crisis. No problem if your iPhone 5 includes a built-in Sham Wow on the back of your phone. Engineered in Germany you know.
  2. Blender - It’s a heat wave. After a long day at the office, your iPhone 5 needs a blender attachment. Cool martinis on the spot and your popularity just went way up with media, clients, colleagues and even your girlfriend. Look out Blendtec. By the way, you can see how a smartphone fared against a Blendtec Blender in this short video.
  3. Hammer - As a PR consultant, there’s never a hammer around when you need one. You know the old saying? “Every problem is a nail when you’re holding a hammer.” A new indestructible titanium case and that iPhone of yours could come in handier than a Craftsman Nextec lithium power hammer.
  4. Taser – Slow-paying clients? Mad dog reporters? Help closing new business presentations? Subtle reinforcement required for filling in timesheets? Enough said. Add 20-150,000 volts of electricity to your next PRSA presentation.
  5. Megaphone - I’ve organized hundreds of special events. A built-in megaphone feature would be a best seller. Easy to engineer using a fancy new algorithm to speak to a crowd or play music through a mini-mega speaker too. Live events in a box.
  6. Perfect Pencil - Listen up Millennials. Once upon a time, reporters used pencils. They were a feature of every news conference and newsroom. Apparently, pencils are cool again, so be sharp. No batteries. No power cord. Essential in the next iPhone. While you’re at it, Apple. Include a pencil sharpener. Of course you could just  buy a Graf von Faber-Castell Limited Edition Perfect Pencil. Write, correct and sharpen for a mere $13,000.
  7. PVR – This one’s already available as an app. Apple engineers should’ve included it. Think of the possibilities. Call home, tape the new episode of Breaking Bad, Mad Men or Sons of Anarchy and have it waiting for you after a long day of boring PowerPoint presentations.
  8. TV remote – Hey, you’re already using your iPhone while you’re watching TV. Why not change channels while you’re saying hi to Mom or your boss? This app‘s available now too. Just build it in, Apple.
  9. Tri-CorderStar Trek had it right. Stuck in traffic and late for the new business pitch? Pick your phone up and beam yourself to your next meeting. C’mon Apple. You’re supposed to be innovators. We’ve already got GPS. How hard can adding this feature be? Get your “Beam me up Scotty” ringtone here.
  10.  Universal Plug – I wanted a universally compatible plug for recharging any smart phone and linking to any laptop or device. Uh no. That would be too much to expect from Apple. Instead, we’ve got a new proprietary plug that makes your earlier Apple devices incompatible. That’s really got me peeved. I’m not buying it. I don’t care if buying brand-new accessories will kick-start the entire American economy to the tune of $2 billion. I’ve got 99 Apple products, other brand name electronic gadgets, and dozens of different power cords, plugs, cables, dongles and gizmos. I’m done!

So, my verdict on the iPhone 5? Much ado about nothing. I’m waiting for the announcement of the iPhone 6 or 7.

Just before you go, here are five iPhone jokes to keep you smiling, courtesy of Zagg.com and Jokes4us.com:

  1. The iPhone 5 is $499 to buy outright, $199 to upgrade your existing iPhone, and if you don’t want one at all, it’s $99. ~Jimmy Kimmel
  2. What’s the difference between Android 2.1 and 2.2?  6 months
  3. Apple called a major press conference to discuss the iPhone 5. Well, they actually tried to call three days ago, but it finally went through just now.  ~Jimmy Fallon
  4. Q: What do the latest iPhone applications do? A: Whiten teeth and perform Lasik eye surgery!
  5. Q: How many Apple iPhone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?  A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!

Oh, wait a minute. Tech geeks are tweeting that Samsung is already looking at adding a score of new features to the next Samsung S3. Innovations to compete with Apple. Maybe you can retweet this post so they know what PR pros really need in the field?

This is Jeff Domansky reporting for technology news leader AppleCrunch.

Got a favorite iPhone feature you want to see? Shout out in the comments below. We’ll make sure Apple and Samsung both hear about it. If you’d like to hear from us weekly, just signup for the PR Coach blog. We’ll be delighted to have join our conversation!

Photo credits: John Kamberai via Flickr, Apple, Sham Wow, Blendtec, Sears, Taser, Alibaba, Graf von Faber-Castell, Comcast, Sony, Diamond Select Toys, Apple

Infographic: Designed by Jeff Domansky using Creately; view here 

Copyright: Peak Communications